Skip to content

Because I Care…

June 10, 2012
tags: ,


(Author Unknown)

Even though this lady is residing in MY house, she may at some time come to yours. Be alert!

A very weird thing has happened.  A strange old lady has moved into my house.  I have no idea who she is, where she came from, or how she got in.  I certainly did not invite her.  All I know is that one day she wasn’t there, and the next day she was!

She is a clever old lady and manages to keep out of sight for the most part, but whenever I pass a mirror, I catch a glimpse of her.  And, whenever I look in the mirror, I catch a glimpse of her.  And, whenever I look in the mirror to check my appearance, there she is hogging it, completely obliterating my gorgeous face and body.  This is so rude!  I have tried screaming at her, but she just screams back. 

The least she could do is offer to pay some of the expenses, but no, I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but I think she is stealing money from me.  I go to the ATM and withdraw $100, and a few days later, it’s all gone!  I certainly don’t spend money THAT fast, so I can only conclude the old lady is pilfering from me.  You’d think she would spend some of that money to buy wrinkle cream.  And money isn’t the only thing I think she is stealing.

Food seems to disappear at an alarming rate…especially the good stuff like ice cream.  She must have a real sweet tooth, but she’d better watch it, because she is really packing on the pounds.  I suspect she realizes this, and to make herself feel better, she is tampering with my scale to make me think I am putting weight, too.

For an old lady, she is quite childish.  She likes to play nasty games, like going into my closets when I’m not home and altering my clothes so they don’t fit.  And she messes with my files and papers so I can’t find anything.  This is particularly annoying since I am extremely neat and organized. 

She has found other imaginative ways to annoy me.  She gets into my mail, newspapers, and magazines before I do and blurs the print so I can’t read it.  And she has done something really sinister to the volume controls on my TV, radio, and telephone.  Now, all I hear are mumbles and whispers.  She has done other things…like make my stairs steeper, my vacuum heavier and all the knob and faucets harder to turn.  She even made my bed higher so that getting into and out of it is a real challenge.

Lately, she has been fooling with my groceries before I put them away, applying glue to the lids, making it almost impossible for me to open the jars.  She has taken the fun out of shopping for clothes.  When I try something on, she stands in front of the dressing room mirror and monopolizes it.  She looks totally ridiculous in some of those outfits, plus, she keeps me from seeing how great they look on me.

Just when I thought she couldn’t get any meaner, she proved me wrong.  She came along when I went to get my picture taken for my driver’s license, and just as the camera shutter clicked, she jumped in front of me!

I hope she never finds out where YOU live!

16 Comments leave one →
  1. June 11, 2012 12:48 am

    Too late. I think she already did! 🙂

  2. June 11, 2012 1:06 am

    She has been to my house as well, but I have mostly noticed her at family gatherings where she insists on standing in front of me in every single photograph (she is so large, she completely hide my waif like figure). I’ll be on the lookout for her the next time I have to renew my driver’s license – thanks for the heads-up.

  3. June 11, 2012 6:34 am

    Ha! So THAT’S the answer to what has been going on around here…….! The old bat…!

  4. Betsy Cushman permalink
    June 11, 2012 6:37 am

    Too late!

  5. June 11, 2012 7:30 am

    She has a sister who moved into my house. And she shows up every time a camera is pointed in my direction. Sigh.

    Great post JSD

    • June 11, 2012 7:38 am

      They are the sisters from hell, aren’t they?
      P.S. This isn’t my original writing…some poor Unknown Author was passing the word along…unfortunately also too late.

  6. June 11, 2012 7:36 pm

    Delightful!! Last year I was pushing that woman away – lost 12 pounds. However, she’s pushed the scale back up again. Still a battle. Thanks for sharing!

  7. June 12, 2012 4:41 pm

    She’s been here too! Darn it! We must find her and put her away before she strikes again!

  8. June 13, 2012 10:24 pm

    She’s been to my house, too! I heard her knees creaking tonight while I DID all the hard work exercising.


    • June 17, 2012 10:15 am

      I guess my warning has come too late…she’s all over the place. 🙂

Let me know what you think...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: